Yu Gi Oh! Week on Jeopardy!
by Lyndotia
Summary: Jeopardy! gets a deal for a week with the YGO! characters! Tea, Solomon, Seto, Tristan, Joey, Duke, Yugi, Mai, and Pegasus play. Note: Is a PARODY. Makes fun of pretty much everybody.
1. Day One, Part One

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Jeopardy!, exclamation points, the Sony Picture Studios, or anything else in this story, for that matter.

A/N: Muahaha.. yes, I am back. But no, I am not presently working on my other stories, I'm really sorry. I just can't get into them right now. But I may post up some random YGO stuff, mostly because I have recently become obsessed with it all over again. Hahahah, I feel four years younger. :P

Yeah, I have no idea where this random idea came from. It just popped into my head at seven o'clock in the morning when I should have been doing my schoolwork. But evs, hopefully y'all will find it funny. Just FYI, though, it's.. written weird. Mainly because that's the only way I could think of doing it without putting in my usual length of descriptions and making each chapter ten thousand words long. XD

Oh, yeah, and another random FYI -- don't go flaming and talking about how I hate all the characters. This is actually one of my favorite shows of all time, and while I generally annoyed by Tea (I mean, Happy Friendship Princess, much?), I do love the other characters. Especially Seto. (Is a fangirl and unashamed to admit it. XD)

**Chapter One -- Day One, Part One**

Announcer Dude: From the Sony Picture Studios, this.. is.. Jeopardy! And here's your host, Alex Trebek!

Alex: Thank you, Michael.

Announcer Dude: My name isn't Michael.

Alex: ... Well, whatever. Nobody's here to hear you, anyway. So let's meet our contestants!

Announcer Dude: -grumblegrumble-

Alex: Hey!

Announccer Dude: Fine! It's Yu-Gi-Oh! week here on Jeopardy!, blah blah blah...

Alex: Expect a pay cut for this, Michael.

Announcer Dude: My name isn't Michael!

Alex: Whatever! Just get on with it!

Announcer Dude: ... I liked you better with a moustache.

Alex: ... Excuse me?

Announcer Dude: Er, I mean -- all the way from Domino City, where she is a sixteen-year-old high school student, please welcome.. Tea Gardner!

_Tea walks in, smiling, to some polite applause and a few scattered boos._

Announcer Dude: Also from Domino City, where he owns and operates a game shop, please welcome Solomon Muto!

_Solomon walks in to polite applause._

Announcer Dude: And finally, hailing from -- could you ever guess? -- _Domino City_, an eighteen-year-old high school student who is also the CEO of his own multi-billion-dollar company! Please welcome... Seto Kaiba!

_Seto walks in to polite applause and a few assorted fangirl screams (coughmineincludedcough)._

Alex: Good evening, contestants!

Solomon: Evening? It's nine in the morning!

Alex: -chuckles awkwardly- Well, you see, Solomon, this show is aired later in the day, so we generally just _pretend_ that it's evening.

Solomon: But that's lying!

Tea: Friends don't lie to each other! Friends never lie! Liars aren't friends, but the power of friendship can --

Alex: Okay, can someone please cut the contestants' mics until we're ready to speak with them? .. Yes, thank you, Jerry --

Announcer Dude: Sure, remember _his_ name...

Alex: And Michael's, too, while you're at it, Jerry?

Announcer Dude: My name's not --

Alex: Thank you, Jerry. And now, for our categories! First we have Minor Historical Figures... Famous "13's"... The Wild West... and "Odd"yssey. Hm, this board has the look of having a lot to do with history, I hope you'll all do well!

_Silence._

Alex: Oh, turn their mics back on, Jerry!

Tea: ... and really, in a nutshell, friendship is just the greatest, most powerful force in the world!

Alex: ... Did she continue that friendship rant even while her mic was off?

Seto: Oh, yes. You have no idea the thought Tea puts into her friendship speeches even though they're all almost exactly the same.

Alex: ... Er.. if you say so...

Announcer Dude: Hey!

Alex: Jerry, why did you turn _his_ mic back on?

Announcer Dude: Because I have something important to point out!

Alex: Does it have anything to do with your name?

Announcer Dude: No, actually it has something to do with Contestant Number Three's name.

_Everybody looks at Seto, who blinks._

Seto: -coldly, and with a glare- Yes?

Announcer Dude: You've written your name on your.. um.. what's it called? Pedestal thing? Well, whatever! You've written your name as Kaiba!

Seto: ... What's your point?

Announcer Dude: You're supposed to write your first name.

Alex: That's true. I hadn't noticed that.

Seto: No one but my brother calls me by my first name. No one but Mokuba is _allowed_ to call me by my first name.

Tea: That's not true, I called you Seto once.

Seto: -glares- I had more important things to deal with at the time. Call me Seto again and you'll regret it.

Alex: Er, okay, how about everyone take a deep breath and calm down?

_Tea does as she's told, but Seto switches his glare to Alex._

Alex: Now, Seto --

Seto: -lethal voice- _Don't_.. call me Seto.

Alex: Er.. then what _am_ I supposed to call you?

Seto: Kaiba. Or Mr. Kaiba, preferably.

_Silence._

Alex: Er, can we get a check of the rule book, someone? Is this allowed?

Announcer Dude: Trey is searching the rules as we speak.

Alex: Very good. Does he know what he's looking for?

Announcer Dude: Well, he is just an intern...

Alex: -sighs- Can we get someone a little more experienced in there? Maybe a producer?

Announcer Dude: Like the producers actually come to set! What do you think this is, a blockbuster movie where they're actually concerned with their investment?

Alex: Well, maybe we should take a commercial break while...

Announcer Dude: Aha, Trey has found it!

Alex: Already? Wow, that was quick.

Announcer Dude: Not really. After all, it took three interns five minutes.

Alex: Whatever. Anyway, what does the rulebook _say_?

Trey over the intercom: 'Jeopardy!, Sony Picture Studios --'

Alex: Not the front cover, you moron!

Trey: Oh, right! 'All contestants are to be fully sober and free of any wireless transmitting devices --'

Alex: I mean, what does it say about the names!

Trey: Oh, yeah! That! -laughs in a high pitch-

Alex: We really should try to have that rule about being sober extended to interns, as well...

Trey: Right, here it is! 'Contestants should write their first name clearly on the electrahonic -- electrytonic -- whatever that word is -- screen!'

Alex: Aha, and there we have the conclusion of the matter. Mr. Kaiba, I am sorry, but you must rewite your name.

Seto: ... Remind me to buy this show later and have it canceled.


	2. Day One, Part Two

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Jeopardy!, exclamation points, the Sony Picture Studios, or anything else in this story, for that matter.

A/N: Thank you for your reviews! Even though I had to coerce two of you into RNR, -coughReneeyandJordanncough-. :D

**Chapter Two -- Day One, Part Two**

_Seto's podium finally displays the name "Seto" instead of "Kaiba," Solomon has fallen asleep on his podium, and Seto is currently giving Alex a death glare._

Alex: Well, really, there's no need for that...

Announcer Dude: Alex, the cameras are rolling again...

Alex: Huh? Oh! Oh, right! Thank you, Michael!

Announcer Dude: My name isn't Michael!

Alex: Hello, and welcome back to Jeopardy!

Solomon: -stands straight up and nearly falls over- Huh? What? Has Kaiba finally stopped being stubborn?

Seto: That's like asking if you've stopped being a genius, old man. It never happened, and so it cannot cease.

Tea: Can't we all just be friends?

Seto, Solomon, and Alex: No.

_Tea pouts, and Alex returns to stand behind his own podium._

Alex: All right, now, Tea, you are player one, so choose a category.

Tea: Friendship!

Alex: ... Er, friendship isn't a category.

Tea: But friendship is always present!

Alex: Not on the Jeopardy! board.

Tea: Then your board is wrong! Friendship is always there when you need it --

Solomon: Oh, good heavens, the girl is unstoppable...

_Solomon lays his head back down on his podium again._

Seto: Can't I just go and get this over with?

Alex: No.

Tea: You can always count on your friends, no matter what...

_A very high-pitched voice suddenly sounds up and drowns out Tea._

High-Pitched Voice: I'll take The Wild West for one hundred.

_Solomon suddenly stands up straight._

Solomon: She picked!

_Alex and Seto look at Solomon skeptically._

Solomon: Do you ever want this game to move? Just go with it!

Seto: The man does have a point.

Alex: Right. The Wild West for one hundred dollars. And the Jeopardy! answer is: The famous outlaw who is believed to have killed as many men as years he lived.

_Tea's podium lights up._

Tea: Friendship!

_Buzzer sounds._

Alex: ... All answers must be in the form of a question.. and.. wait, who is Friendship?

Tea: Friendship isn't who, it's _what_! It's --

Solomon: Good heavens, man, what did you do that for!? Now she's at it again!

_Seto's podium lights up._

Seto: Who is Billy the Kid?

Alex: Correct!

Seto: Really, am I the only one playing this stupid game?

Solomon: Well, if it's a stupid game, then let me pick the next category!

Seto: No. I want Famous "13's" for one hundred dollars. Although why I'm playing for money this petty, I'll never know.

Solomon: Yes, just rub it in that you have billions and I'm an old man with a game shop by the park...

Seto: Thank you, I will.

_The Jeopardy! answer has been displayed for a good five seconds and Alex has been staring at the two this whole time._

Alex: ... Right. Anyway. The Jeopardy! answer is: This is the allegedly unlucky thirteenth day of the month.

_Tea's podium lights up._

Tea: What is friendship?

_Buzzer sounds._

Alex: -sighs resignedly- No, Tea...

_Solomon's podium lights up._

Solomon: What is Tuesday?

_Buzzer sounds._

Alex: I am sorry, but that is incorrect.

Solomon: What are you talking about!? That's the day that Duke Devlin opened his game shop! It _is_ the unluckiest day of the month!

_Alex stares, and then finally notices that Seto's podium is lit up._

Seto: What is Friday?

Alex: That is correct!

_Seto smirks, Tea looks confused, and Solomon grumbles under his breath._

Tea: So.. remind me why it isn't friendship, again?


	3. Day One, Part Three

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Jeopardy!, exclamation points, the Sony Picture Studios, or anything else in this story, for that matter.

A/N: Yeah, I skipped a bit in the middle here. Mostly because I couldn't think of enough questions for all of the categories. XD But the story marches on!

**Chapter Three -- Day One, Part Three**

_Tea is ranting on about something (almost certainly friendship) even though her mic is off; Seto is glaring at the audience, probably for no reason; Solomon is looking annoyed and keeps talking to himself; and Alex has his head in his hands, leaning against his podium._

Announcer Dude: Alex, man, stand up!

Alex: I don't want to stand up.. I never want to do this job again...

Announcer Dude: ... You realize the cameras are back on?

_Alex jumps up and smiles at the cameras._

Alex: -under his breath- You could have mentioned that earlier, Michael.

Announcer Dude: MY NAME ISN'T MICHAEL!

Alex: WHATEVER! Just announce the scores for the TV viewers who are so lucky as to have not been here for the first part of the show!

Announcer Dude: Fine. In the lead is the Grouchy Billionaire --

Seto: Hey!

Announcer Dude: -- with $2800 -- like he needs it.

_Seto glares, and Solomon snickers._

Announcer Dude: Second place is the Obsessive Game Shop Owner, with -$500.

Solomon: If I'm expected to actually pay that to you and you think I will, you have another think coming.

Announcer Dude: And in last place is the Happy Friendship Princess, with -$2800.

Female intern over intercom: And this is the first time in Jeopardy! history, folks, that one contestant has gotten every answer right.. and another contestant has answered every one wrong!

_Audience cheers, for some bizarre reason._

Alex: Hey, aren't I the star of this show? So why are you people doing all the talking?

Announcer Dude: Because you can't remember anyone's name?

Alex: Of course I can.

Announcer Dude: Then why do you keep calling me Michael?

Alex: The same reason you called the girl Happy Friendship Princess. That's her name.

_Tea mouths soundlessly because her mic still isn't turned on._

Announcer Dude: Oh, yes, viewers -- we also apologize for the -- ahem -- technical difficulty which is currently preventing you from hearing Contestant Number One's words.

Seto: Consider yourselves lucky.

Alex: So, anyway! Contestant three --

_Seto glares._

Alex: Excuse me, _Mr. Kaiba_.

Seto: Yes?

Alex: Pick your category.

Seto: "Odd"yssey for five hundred.

Alex: Hannibal rode these odd animals out of Carthage in a move against Rome.

_Tea's podium lights up._

Alex: -sighs- Yes, Tea?

_Tea mouths something._

Alex: Uh.. can someone get her mic turned on?

Seto and Solomon: Why!?

Tea: Is it working? Can you hear me now?

Seto: Most unfortunately.

Tea: Good! What are cannibals?

_Dead silence falls. The buzzer doesn't even bother going off._

Solomon: .. Er.. Tea, dear.. why...?

Alex: Yes, why would you say cannibals?

Seto: Because she's schizophrenic and needs a straitjacket, isn't it obvious?

Tea: No! It's because Hannibal was a cannibal!

Seto: What _are_ you talking about?

Tea: You know, Hannibal! From the movies!

_Solomon hits his head hard against his podium. Hm, apparently a little too hard, because he falls to the floor and doesn't move. However, no one seems to notice this, because they're all still staring at Tea._

Alex: .. Are you.. are you talking about Hannibal Lechter?

Tea: Well, naturally!

Seto: Who in the world is Hannibal Lechter?

_Everyone now stares at Seto._

Seto: -snaps- What are you all staring at!?

_All eyes avert to random points throughout the studio._

Tea: Why, Hannibal Lechter is a cannibal, of course!

Alex: So why would he be riding.. you know what, never mind. I don't want to know.

Seto: -mutters- And I thought growing up with Gozaburo was torture... -out loud- Can someone else answer the question now?

Alex: Actually, yes. I believe Solomon has his button pressed. Solomon?

_Solomon blinks blearily and stands up upon hearing his name._

Solomon: Yes?

Seto: How astounding. The man who has to be admitted to the hospital after losing a children's card game can't finish a TV game show without passing out, either.

Tea: This from the guy who threatened to jump off a tower if he lost to Yugi!

Seto: Shut it, Gardner.

Alex: Solomon? Do you have the question for the Jeopardy! answer?

Solomon: Oh.. yeah.. that... Right! -shakes his head and clears his head a bit- What are elephants?

Alex: -blinks- That -- that's right!

Solomon: It is? I mean, it is!

_There is a short pause, and then Solomon laughs._

Solomon: Ha! I beat you to that one, Kaiba! I beat you!

Seto: Not surprising, I suppose you were around when Hannibal was leaving Carthage.

Solomon: Excuse me, you young whippersnapper!?

Alex: Right, well, everyone, let us please calm down...

Solomon: Are you calling me an old man!?

Seto: You didn't catch on when I actually called you 'old man' but you understood that?

Alex: -over the sound of Solomon's retort- And we'll be right back, folks, with Double Jeopardy!

_Applause._

Alex: Assuming no one kills anyone else, of course.. and that no one has approved my request to keep my pension in lieu of two weeks' notice...

Announcer Dude: You know the cameras are still rolling, right?

Alex, Seto, and Solomon: Shut up, Michael.


	4. Day One, Part Four

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Jeopardy!, exclamation points, Sony Picture Studios, or pretty much anything else in this story. And I certainly don't own Alex Trebek.

Alex: You don't? Then what am I still doing here?

Because I'm writing the story and you're staying, dadburn it!

Alex: -grumbles-

A/N: Whee.. Double Jeopardy! Yeah, that makes it sound a lot more impressive (and dangerous.. and exciting.. and a long list of other adjectives) than it actually is. XD

Er, yeah, sorry about that little mishap earlier with chapters three and four being identical. I accidentally uploaded chapter three again as chapter four, for some bizarre reason. XD

**Chapter Four -- Day One, Part Four**

_Seto and Solomon are still bickering; Tea is (for once) talking about something that isn't friendship as she stands up for Solomon; and Alex has his head buried in his hands and his shoulders are shaking rather like he's crying._

Announcer Dude: WELCOME BACK TO JEOPARDY!

_Dead silence, and a glare from Seto._

Announcer Dude: What? I had to be heard over all of you. And snap the host out of it.

Alex: -coldly- Out of _what_, Michael?

Announcer Dude: My name isn't Michael!

Solomon: Right, whatever. -turns to Seto- But where do you get off calling me old man!? I'll have you know that I'm seventy-two years young!

Tea: And he's also a great person, Kaiba, unlike you! He has friends and --

Alex: Oh, heavens, not this again!

Tea: Friends are what make worth living!

Seto: Just when we had all hoped that you had run out of friendship speeches.

Tea: Friendship is never-ending, so therefore so is my stock of friendship speeches.

_Silence._

Solomon: Did she.. just admit that she gives friendship speeches!?

Tea: Of course I do! You think I do it without realizing?

Alex, Seto, Solomon, Announcer Dude, and most of the audience: Well, yeah.

Alex: So.. do you not realize how annoying it is?

Tea: It's impossible for it to be annoying! Because friendship speeches can't be annoying unless friendship itself is annoying!

Seto: Oh, trust me, _your_ friends are very annoying.

Solomon: Are you talking about my grandson, sonny boy!?

Alex: -almost pleadingly- Might we _please_ get back to the show?

Solomon: -grumbles- Fine, Alan...

Alex: It's Alex!

Announcer Dude: What, can't take people not knowing _your_ name?

Alex: Shut up, Michael.

Announcer Dude: _My name isn't Michael_!

Alex: Anyway -- could we please have our Double Jeopardy! categories? ... Yes, first, we have.. what? Annoying Game Show Hosts? Michael!

Announcer Dude: -innocently- Yes, Alex?

Alex: What did you do the Double Jeopardy! categories!?

Announcer Dude: Nooooothiiiiinng...

Alex: ... Why do I still do this job?

Announcer Dude: -hopefully- If you quit, do I get to be host!?

Alex: No.

Seto: Can we please get on with this? I have a company to run.

Solomon: Yes, big-shot billionaire over here might have a hissy fit.

Seto: ... Do you really want me to crush your game shop business completely, old man?

Tea: Can't we not fight?

Seto and Solomon: No.

Alex: Someone change the first Double Jeopardy! category!

Trey, over the intercom: Er.. Mr. Trebek, dude...

Alex: ... Did the intern just call me dude?

Trey: Yeah, man! ... So anyway.. what I was saying...

Alex: The sooner you spit this out, the sooner I can get back to the show and the sooner you can get back to whatever it is that you're smoking.

Trey: That's a good point, dude.

_Alex smacks his head on his podium, but apparently Trey doesn't notice this, because he keeps talking._

Trey: So, right! The category, yeah! ... It can't be changed.

Alex: What!? Why not!?

Trey: It's in the Jeopardy! rulebook right here...

Alex: ... _Now_ you learn to read?

Trey: ... Huh?

Alex: Never mind! Just forget the rules!

Seto: If you're throwing the rulebook out, then I'm writing my name back as Kaiba.

Alex: Not that rule! Just the not changing categories rule!

Seto: Oh, no. If you're questioning the legality of the rulebook, then so am I.

_Alex grumbles, Seto looks triumphant, and a sort of giddy giggling comes over the intercom, indicating that Trey has indeed gone back to whatever he was smoking._

Announcer Dude: And I think we'll take another commercial break here, to give our host time for his newest mental breakdown...


End file.
